Tuesday, March 03, 2009

My new chapter

I am in a new chapter of life. I have been wanting to post my thoughts for over a week. I have literally started and stopped...over and over. Not because I don't know what to say, but because there is SO much to say.

My life is like a wild, predictable, but chaotic river. Always fun and exciting, but a BIT exhausting, now, even for me. As my friend Tami says, everything is a season. So, here I am in a VERY NEW SEASON. One where I am, for the first time, in my life. STILL.
NOT-I-just-had-a-baby-and-I-am-home STILL.
NOT-I-am-taking-a-break-from-reality-STILL.
NOT-Put-in-a-movie-and-lets-veg-STILL.

But a quiet, calm, rejuvenating, introspective, warm, sensitive, sweet STILL.
The kind of still where, ironically, things MOVE. A quiet, breezy, pleasant still that allows God to do a thorough seeking of me and my heart, so that He can do a mighty work.

Today was the first time I have left the house (with the girls), since being diagnosed with Mono. Leaving the house with the girls would NEVER have raised an eyebrow or even been a blip on my, or anyone elses radar, until this interesting season in my life. But today, we went. Me and the girls. Storytime starts at 10:30, we were there at 10:23. And, the storytime teacher, sweet Deborah congratulated me for being early! ha, she didn't. I wish that were how my life is. But instead I thought, I am going to use these 7 minutes to sit and see if my friend texted me back to let me know if she is meeting me here. No phone. Wait. I JUST used it. The girls had just disembarked off of the stroller. Ok, back on everyone, quick!

The girls and I wisked back out to the front desk/entryway of the library and looked around. No hulking dudes carrying a cool hot pink palm phone. Pooh, it vanished. Someone got a really great phone. Back to storytime for silly, fun songs and stories. (And, I ordered a new phone, Sprint is overnighting it to me. Should arrive tomorrow morning. Not pink, they were out. It's black.)

I have a new friend. She looks 40, but I think she must be more like 50 ... 55? She has a son that is 36. So how old does that make her?

She has all of a sudden become amazingly open and wildly personal with me, and I actually love that.

After listening to my heart, she challenged me today.

'Jennie, Is Jesus enough for you....?'
An emphatic, 'OF COURSE' was my response. I read my bible, I pray, I love Jesus.
'Well then, why do you care about this person/issue? Or that?'
I thought I could dart out of this conversation with a, 'Well, I'm a people pleaser.'
'If Jesus is enough, the other issues in your life do not matter. HE is ENOUGH.'

She's right. Nothing matters, but Jesus. But what does that look like?
Not Jesus + a clean house = happiness.
Not Jesus + well mannered children = contentment.
Not Jesus + new clothes = peace.
Not Jesus + yummy dinner on the table = joy.
Not Jesus + _____ you fill in the blank.

JESUS.

This is how God sees us: As His Children, we are the apple of His eye. The bride of Christ. The righteousness of God by faith. A daughter of The Father. The heir of all creation. Known and planned before the foundation of the world, unique, special, of great worth. Loved unconditionally to the point of shed blood. (Deut. 32:9-10, Ps. 17:7-8, Is. 49:14-16, Rom. 3:21-22, 2 Cor. 5:21, Gal. 5:5, 2Tim. 4:8, Eph. 1:4-12)

"Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life." Proverbs 4:23

I am being completely honest with what is going on in my very STILL life. I know that God is calling me to the next step...He is using this time of stillness. I am learning SO much about myself, but more even about HIM. VOLUMES. He has me home, all the time, still and available. Ask Brian. I gave my sweet dude an EAR FULL tonight of all that God is doing in my life...

~
The girls have a new pets. Tadpoles. TWO. Carlisle named them. Pinky and Polka. Their very fun 'house'.

"Create in me a right heart O God. Renew a right spirit within me." Psalm 51:10
But that is just it. I have to let go of the funky parts in my life, to allow God to inhabit EVERY part of my life. So, I am STILL. And God is at work.

6 comments:

The Ginfridas said...

That's beautiful, Jennie.

Stephanie said...

You're rockin' it out, Jennie.
Loved it.

Stephanie said...

I am stealing one of your playlist songs.

gillian said...

Jennie,

I wish I would have read your post before we met today! 'If Jesus is enough, the other issues in your life do not matter. HE is ENOUGH... clean house, well mannered children, yummy dinner on the table...WOW, thanks girl!

gillian said...

oh, where did you get the tadpole 'house'?

Stephanie and Eric Horecky said...

I just want you to know that Myers is CONSTANTLY asking to see Carlisle and her kitty since I showed him this post and he screams "EVIE" when her colorful picture pops up at the top =)