Sunday, August 15, 2010

My Journey to Haiti

My journey to Haiti began in May. Brian went on a medical mission trip at the end of May. Upon arriving home he uttered these words that probably impacted me more than anything else.
He said...'Jennie, I didn't want to come home.' ...didn't want to come home...
I was so NOT offended. Just impacted. He didn't want to come home to his three girls and me? He adores us. What was it that made him feel that way? How could he want to stay? What touched him?
He said, 'You HAVE to go.'
I gave him all the reasons why that wasn't a good idea.
'I'm a mother of three children 4 and under.'
'I have a 5 month old.'
Then, I pulled the 'I'm a nursing mother' card.
He was so solid. He was so firm.
It was then he said, 'If you don't go on the trip in August...then I will.'
He knew that one would work.
He was right.
So I pumped.
And pumped.
150+ ounces of breastmilk.
I serve the Lord God Almighty.
His name is Jesus.
He gives.
And He takes away.
He is still on the throne.
I leave my girls and my Guy.

The girls give me clothes, shoes, money, toys, jewelry and makeup for the orphans. I pack my clothes and two pair of shoes. I throw in compassion, love, grace. Knowing I'll need them.
The team assembles on Friday, August 6th. It's a huge party. 60+ people for the send off.
My girls are CLINGY.
I am clingy.
I hadn't prepared for this.
I hadn't prepared for THIS.
The seperation.
I'm retarded.
Why didn't I prepare for this?
Everyone else looks prepared for this.
People try to talk to me.
I just stare at them.
I thought through my clothes, the orphans, my liquids and gels being in bottles of less than 3 ounces, food, etc.
But not this.
Carlisle wraps herself around me. She cries into my shoulder.
I am OVERCOME with love. My heart hurts. I am holding her and miss her already.
I am nervious.
I start to sweat.
I hand her to Brian and he whisks her and Evelyn off to the bathroom. I don't know where Vivian is. I feel nervious. I am leaving him in charge of three little ones.
It's a big job.
I would know.
I put my sunglasses on as I get into the suburban. I'm glad we are all facing forward. I'm glad my sunglasses are dark. I try to hide behind them. No one can see my eyes. But they can see the tears rolling down my cheeks, plopping on my lap.
The suburbans pull away from the church.
I can't even look back.
Psalm 139
'You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord. You hem me in--behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you. If only you would slay the wicked, O God! Away from me, you bloodthirsty men! They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name. Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord, and abhor those who rise up against you? I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies. Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.'
From Ft Lauderdale to Port Au Prince, I sit beside a Haitian man.
His name is Favier. He is from Haiti. He's lived in NY for 10 years and is flying back to visit for a few days.
We small talk. I ask about his family. I tell him about mine.
A minute or two later, I ask him, 'Do you know Jesus?'
In a Haitian accent, his brown eyes searching, he answers, 'I'm a Catholic.'
But then he asks me to clarify. 'Would you refrase the question?'
I say, 'Have you had an experience, or time in your life, where you made a committment to serve only Jesus? A complete surrender?'
He shakes his head no.
I ask him if I can share my experience.
He says yes, and looks interested.
I explain simply, that I am a sinner, consumed with my own fleshly desires. But the God who created the heavens and earth sent His Son to die on the cross for me. He took my sin upon himself and because of His sacrifice, God sees me as blameless and pure. 'For Christ died for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God. He was put to death in the body but made alive by the Spirit.' 1 Peter 3:18
I open my bible and show him passages. I tear up as I tell him about my Jesus. He stares. He listens. He's tracking with me. 'Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures.' 1 Corinthians 15:3 He has questions. We discuss. He is precious. I tell him that Jesus has his phone number. He laughs. I know that I am in God's will. I delight in telling him about my Savior. 'But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.' Romans 5:8
He tells me that he could listen to me talk about my Jesus for hours. The plane touches down in Port au Prince. He says the 2 hour flight has flown by. I agree. We talked of Jesus the whole time. He tells me that he wants to love Jesus too. I tell him he can. I ask if he wants to pray about it. The boarding door opens. People start standing up collecting their things. He says, 'Here?' I say yes. For the first time, he looks nervious. He says he needs to wait. I remind him that Jesus already has his number. He nods. I tell him not to delay. He says he won't. He tells me when he has made the committment to Jesus I am the first person he will text. We exit the plane. I wave to him, from a distance, in Customs.
Then he's gone.
I never see him again.
I want to see him in heaven.
I. Am. Speechless.

There are two ways to live your life. One is though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as through everything is a miracle.
Albert Einstein

I will blog more. Theres so much. But my girls need me...


Stephanie said...

I love you so much! Everything is being accelerated- the gospel and the opposition... because time is running out.
Praise God you went to them.

gillian said...

Jennie, you are amazing...seriously! i love that you are DOING it! I want to be just like you...seriously! thank you for your obedience, for sharing your heart and for loving like Jesus! can't wait to hear more about your journey and to see your amazing pictures!

jord,ali,hal,kam and grae too! said...

can't wait to see more!

Nic said...

God is so good! You listened!! I can't wait for more!