Tuesday, June 01, 2010

Firsts and Lasts

They graduated.
2K and 3K.
I am sooo glad that I have another baby girl to do all of the firsts and lasts with. I am so glad that she will go to 2K one day with her little backpack on. I seriously would be having a hard hard time if this were it for 2K and 3K and that chapter was closed.
I found a poem in my pool bag.
Someone had given it to Brian to give to me. So he stuck it in with the swimsuits and goggles the swimmy diapers and towels.
It's perfect.
My friends ask me how I have time to blog. (Which obviously I haven't recently.)
I guess the answer is that I try to make the time, because I don't want to forget these days.
I KNOW I am in the weeds. It is hard-hard. It is exhausting. The weeds are TALL.
The girls out-number me.
They out-energize me.
They out-emotion me.
They out-wit me. (only sometimes)
BUT, and it's a BIG 'BUT'...
Jesus gives me strength, everyday. He made me for this. I love my job as Mother. I love being there for them. Kissing their boo-boo's. Putting their pigtails in. Picnicing everyday. Teaching them to write and read. Telling them about Jesus. I know, without a doubt, that one day I will say; 'those were the good old days'. When everyone was a accounted for and safely tucked into their beds everynight. When stuffed animals were best friends and when Daddy and I were still perfect.
I couldn't do this job. Period. Without Jesus. I pray for my girls. I pray when I don't know what in the heck I am doing. I read my bible for answers. For guidance.
And I find treasures like:
'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commmandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your CHILDREN. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.' Deuteronomy 6:5-7
It's why I blog.
I just don't want to forget...
I don't want to forget their little faces on their LAST day of 2K and 3K.
Oh and a FIRST?
Vivian is sleeping through the night. 12 hours a night. Yes 12. Yes she is 3 months old.
God is spoiling me. At least for a day or 2. Or a week or two. I'll take it!

Let Me Hold You Longer
by Karen Kingsbury
Long ago you came to me, a miracles of first:
First smiles and theeth and baby steps,
A sunbeam on the burst.
But on e day you will move away and leave me to your past,
And I will be left thinking of a lifetime of your lasts...
The last time that I held a bottle to your baby lips,
The last time that I lifted you and held you on my hip.
The last night when you woke up crying, needing to be walked.
When last you crawled up with your blanket, wanting to be rocked.
The last time when you ran to me, still small enough to hold.
The last time that you said you'd marry me when you grew old.
Precious, simple moments and bright flashes from your past -
Would I have held on longer if I'd known they were your last?
Our last adventure to the park, your final midday nap,
The last time when you wore your favorite faded baseball cap.
Your last few hours of kindergarten,
Those last days of first grade,
Your last at bat in Little League, last colored picture made. I never said good-bye to all your yesterdays long passed.
So what about tomorrow -- Will I recognize your lasts?
The last time that you catch a frog in that old backyard pond.
The last time that you run barefoot across our fresh-cut lawn.
Silly, scattered images will represent your past.
I keep on taking pictures never quite sure of your lasts....
The last time that I comb your hair or stop a pillow fight
The last time that I pray with you and tuck you in at night.
The last time when we cuddle with a book, just me and you.
The last time you jump in our bed and sleep between us two.
The last piano lesson, last vacation to the lake.
Your last few weeks of middle school, last soccer goal you make.
I look ahead and dream of days that haven't come to pass.
But as I do, I sometimes miss today's sweet, precious lasts...

The last time that I help you with a math or spelling test.
The last time when I say that yes, your room is still a mess.
The last time that you need me for a ride from here to there.
The last time that you spend the night with your old tattered bear.
My life keeps moving faster, stealing precious days that pass.
I want to hold on longer - want to recognize your lasts...
The last time that you need my help with details of a dance.
The last time that you ask me for advice about romance.
The last time that you talk to me about your hopes and dreams.
The last time that you wear a jersey for your high school team.
I've watch you grow and barely noticed seasons as they pass.
If I could freeze the hands of time, I'd hold on to your lasts.
For come some bright fall morning, you'll be going far away.
College life will beckon in a brilliant sort of way.
One last hug, one last good-bye, one quick and hurried kiss.
One last time to understand just how much you'll be missed.
I'll watch you leave and think how fast our time together passed.
Let me hold on longer, God, to every precious last.
I'm teaching this Saturday! An hour and a half of ZUMBA!
The 4th Annual Beach Blast Zumba Party! 10:00 - 11:30am
And Beach Blast Zumba Party for the kids 9:30 - 10:00am (Ages 3-12)

1 comment:

christyn said...

Jennie, I had to read after our conversation in the cafe and this is so good! Made me ball and inspired me to get back to my blogging! Awesome poem! Love the verses too :)