How to date your Husband

How to DATE your husband

Brian and I got stopped the other day in the gym. We had just worked out together and were on our way down to get the kids. A guy, who had just had his second baby, stopped us. He wanted to understand how we did it. How do we date? How does this all seem to look easy for us when he knows its not. We ASSURED him that nothing about us or our life is easy. Nothing. It is NOT easy. And that we are drowning. I told him that I often feel like I have one nostril out of the water and I am treading water. Not a neck out of the water. Or a head. Just a nostril. I'm not treading water and moving. I'm not going anywhere. We are just barely surviving. 

These last few months have been HARD. 

When I was a little girl, we traveled a little bit. When we traveled, we traveled in the car. Only in the car. Never planes. Just an old clunker of a station wagon. Blue, with wood paneling. I rode in the back seat. But sometimes, I sat in the way-way-back. The seat that faced the back window. My sister and I did the silly honk-honk motions with our arms. I don't think the truckers could resist honking at two little giggling, strawberry blonds. I have fond memories of that time of life. Being a kid. Maybe I've forgotten the negative….how close my legs were to my siblings. And how small a car can feel. How hot it got in the back-back. How little there was to do in that back seat. But from where I am now, I remember it with fondness, those super sweet trips. To the mountains. Or to Michigan. It was simple. The sun would be in our eyes. Siblings would be smashed on either side of me. And I had not a care in the world. Mom would pass a snack back to us. And Dad would drive. Fast. It felt like he was going 100 miles per hour. I remember the journey. Even more than the destination. I remember the journey. 

The journey. My  journey is blowing me away right now. 

I read a quote recently about travel. I'm paraphrasing from what I remember. The journey should be as much fun as the destination. 

I feel like my journey right now is so incredible. Much more full that it ever has been before. And if you've read my blog over the last years, you know life has already been full of the goods and bads.

The girls are doing out-of-town, competitive dance, so every week requires a lot of time on the road just for practice, with competitions and rehearsals on the weekends too. 

Last week, I was pulling back into Florence, with the girls, after a dance rehearsal. It was Tuesday about 7:00pm. My friend, Kesler, was at the house with the little three. Brian was at Jiu Jitsu. As I drove, I was trying to figure out which night we could do date night. And realized that tonight was probably the best night. 

So I pulled into the Jiu Jitsu academy where Brian was training. I sent my girls in to get him and tell him we were there. And when he came to the car, I like a smiling school girl, asked him out on a date. I asked if he wanted to go to dinner with me. 

He smiled, said Yes. He IMMEDIATELY told his training buddies goodbye. Like immediately. Talk about making me feel loved. He had gathered his bag and stuff and was out in the parking lot before I even pulled away.

'Successful marriage requires falling love many times, always with the same person.'  German Greer

True dat.

He told me later that night on our date, that when the girls went into Jiu Jitsu, they said, 'Daddy, Mommy wants you!' All the guys said 'Uh Oh. You're in trouble.' 

Interesting that the reason I came was exactly the opposite. I am so desperately in love with him that I was there to ask him on a date. Not to fuss at him…or whatever the guys thought I was going to do. 

Makes me sad that when men see a wife wanting to talk with her husband, they think its trouble. 

We have a date most every week. Some weeks we have two. As much as we can get away together, we do. Our lives are very extreme. Because of the size of our family and some of the decisions we have made, life can be intense. So slipping away for us is vital. 

I love this guy. 

Dating your husband is worth it. No matter what the cost. 

We went to our favorite date-night restaurant. We rarely go anywhere else. Maybe every 38th time. So we sat in a big booth, in our favorite restaurant, and slid over to the far side, beside the wall, so we could really talk. 

We left a naked, potty training 2 year old, piles of dishes, mounds of laundry, a little one on roller blades rolling at breakneck speeds through the house and other wild shenanigans We just left. We unplugged. There were lots of things to be done and reasons for me to stay and check off of my endless list. Please ask me often about our date nights. How do we, of all people, date every week, since we have all these kids. 

Here's what we've learned about love and dating in marriage after 15 years. 

How to Date your Husband:

* Go on a date night once a week…or more. Love is like water, you can never have too much. (You can quote me on that.) :) Take advantage of every opportunity to be together. 'And let us consider how we may spur on another on toward love and good deeds, not  giving up meeting together.' Hebrews 10:24

*Make it happen, even if it's inconvenient. 'I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine.' Song of Solomon 6:3 

* If you have a hard time switching hats from Mom-hat to fun out-to-dinner-cute-Wife hat. Here's my advice. Go to a movie first. Go bowling. Play tennis. Take a run together. Whatever it is that will get your mind off challenges with the kids. That gives you time to shift gears so that when you finally slip into a seat at the restaurant, you are enjoying being there across the table from your husband. Not telling him about the bottoms you just wiped, or the fight you just broke up, or the other endless challenges that go with parenting. That stuff never changes...Use date night to build one another up. Encourage him. It's not the best place to complain about the kids. Save that for a boring night at the house :)  'Therefore, encourage one another and BUILD EACH OTHER UP.' 1 Thessalonians 5:11

* Have your babysitter come 30 minutes before you leave. Or an hour if your budget allows for that. The babysitter can be helpful with feeding the kids, or acclimating to the kids, or finishing put the dishes in the dishwasher or whatever you need help with. Her arrival gives you 30 minutes to calmly get ready without someone hanging on your leg, asking you every question in the book, running circles through your closet as you try to get dressed. The $6.00 or $7.00 you spend on those 30 minutes will be the best dollars you've spent that week. Then when you are done getting ready, dash for the door, don't do long goodbyes. It is after all, just dinner. 'Take me away with you-let us hurry!' Song of Solomon 1:4

* Use date night as an opportunity to profess your love for him. 'Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth- for your love is more delightful that wine.' Song of Solomon 1:2

* If you are not in a financial position to dine out every week AND pay the babysitter, do a swap with another couple that also has kids. We did that for YEARS. You watch all the kids while the other couple goes out. Then they watch the kids while you go out. And, the swap will hold you accountable too. 

It's crazy fun for me to have spontaneity in our wild life. I've never lost the desire to WANT to be spontaneous. But it seems like, in some ways, I've lost the ability to BE spontaneous. 

So we went on our spontaneous date night. Over dinner we discussed the coming week. I told Brian that I think for the first time since Christmas, the girls would have a week long break from dance. While we sat at the table I emailed to double check. 'No rehearsals?' 'None.' Was the reply. 

I got a wild hair, I suggested to Brian that we go away to the beach for the week. Brian is very very very not spontaneous. He likes a very well thought-out plan that he's double checked. So God gave him me. :) I am good for him. I pull him out of his well-thought-out/planning shell. 

Could we do the impossible? Could we pull off leaving for a vacation, packing, getting subs for aerobics, making sure Brian's office is settled, book a vacation home and unplugging our whole family for a week…with only 4 days notice?  

Maybe it was the delicious dinner, or that we were tucked away in a little booth, or that it was date night, or that I had asked him on the date, which he LOVED, or maybe he is becoming more spontaneous, or maybe it's just because he loves me, but he said it sounded like a wonderful plan. Hmm? My planner husband is becoming spontaneous? 

By 10:00am the next morning, he had not yet pulled the trigger on a rental house in Destin, FL he'd found. He had searched rentals on the entire Gulf coast of Florida and come up with a handful that fit our criteria. 

We talked, he texted me some pictures. We agreed that one of them looked incredible. 

He. booked it. It was Wednesday. We would leave in 4 days. 

And in that short time, I drove to TN and back, to speak at the His Proposal conference with my best friends. 

We pulled out of our driveway on Sunday morning at 5:00am. Hunk-of-Burning Love and Me….and 5 little girls. We pulled them out of the bed and put them right into the car. We were almost to Georgia before anyone really said a whole lot and before we stopped for the first time. Thankfully. And somehow we made it 9 1/2 hours with only two stops. Pretty sure that if we did that trip again 6000 times we'd never be able to make it in only 2 stops. The drive home was not so lovely. I asked him sometime during our trip back home. 'Do you need a break from driving?' He said, 'No. I need a break from stopping.' 

Destin was gorgeous. It had been 5 years since I've been there. I forgot how blue the water is and how bleach white the sand is. It was a time of REFUGE for our family. We laughed. And lingered over lunches. And moseyed down to the beach. And dug in the sand. And relaxed. I got to read my bible on the beach. The girls slept in bunk beds, which they loved. Brian and I slept in a king size bed, which I didn't love. We had dinners in. Dinners out. Two of the girls had a stomach issue.. Each lasted about 24 hours. The roughest spots during the night. But it wasn't even a blip on our map because everything was so lovely. 

It is absolute heaven. Dreamy views for as far as the eye can see. We have had the doors open from the moment we checked in. 

It's late, got an early morning tomorrow. 

A few more thoughts. Baby Genevieve is heavenly. Growing wildly. She tried those squeezy baby food packs that Target sells, for the first time here at the beach. Somehow I've always forgotten to give them to the other girls when they were the right age. She loves them and they are easy. 

Hope to begin blogging again once school is out. Only 5 days until we are out for the summer. Really fun things await. 

For those of you who long for help

But may all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you; may those who long for your saving help always say, 'The LORD is great!'' Psalm 40:16

The family sweetheart. 

She doesn't walk. She could... 

She just doesn't. 

She's reminiscent of our last baby. Angel Baby. Who was content to be carried. She crawled until she was 19 months old, when she finally decided to walk. Yes, 19 months old. 

This little one is the same. She is too happy to just sit on a hip. I know those of you that have boys have absolutely ZERO capability of understanding this. My sister just stands in utter amazement. I'm not making this stuff up. Everytime I'm around Julie I say, 'See? She really isn't interested in moving. She's just content to watch the action. She's content to crawl a few inches and stop to enjoy.' 

Julie nods. And then she shakes her head in amazement.

And come to think of it, she doesn't talk much either.

She's the quintessential baby. 

And I love her for it. 

She has us all wrapped around her fat, chubby, sausage-link fingers. The girls fall over each other to hold her. She's so cool being picked up by little ones not much bigger than her. Anyone who is strong enough, is welcome to hold her, as far as she's concerned. She doesn't react. AT. ALL. Maybe all families that have kids close in age tote the baby on their hip, even when they themselves are still babies...I don't know. But in this family, my girls love babies. They feed her, help get sippy cups, clean up after her, entertain her, read to her, try to make her laugh and even change diapers.

I really don't like blanket statements. I try not to make them. I don't like pigeon hole-ing any of my girls. I hear people do it with their own children and it concerns me. 

I've had people say to me: 

'My Suzy-Q is a tomboy. She would never like something like that.'

or

'My Suzy-Q a girly girl. She only does ____. '

When we as parents tell them what they are, or who they are, WE have defined them. We have told them everything they need to know. What they are and what they will become... in our opinion. 

That's not our job as parents. 

It's probably insecurity. Mom's just trying their best. Who don't know better. But God DOES.

God has made each child soooo unique and cool and interesting. Everything is not black and white. I have learned in my years of parenting, there is a lot of gray. 

And the LORD is in charge. Not me. 

Here's water for a weary Mama-soul...

'He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.' Isaiah 40:11

I would consider it sad if I limited one of my children because of MY own insecurities or doubts or even worse, peer pressure of how the other parents are doing it. Hmmm...

I think we as Mama's LONG for help. 

Let me help you.

We have to give the reigns of child rearing back to the Lord. My kids are His anyway. YOUR kids are His anyway. He loves them SO much more than we could ever dream of. 

'I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.' Psalm 32:8

Thankfully HE leads US. So we can lead them. Whew. The pressure is gone. The one who made stars, and made starfish, and made stargazer lilies is available to us. To help us. 

'Lord, be gracious to us; we long for you. Be our strength every morning, our salvation in time of distress.' Isaiah 33:2

'He who has compassion on them will guide them and lead them beside springs of water.' Isaiah 49:10

As my girls get older I am BLOWN AWAY that God was so creative with so many different types and personalities of girls...all in one family.

So as I seek the Lord in raising these girls, I think the greatest influence I can have is not what I say...but what I DO, infront of my girls. How I talk to Brian. How I treat him. The tone I use. My body language with him. What a tall order. It's so humbling to really grasp THAT. And what do I do with my free time? Let them 'catch' you reading your bible....everyday. They won't forget. I promise you. Even when they are old and gray, THAT is something they will remember. 

These girls are learning more than 'just' surfing this week. Brian is teaching them to throw a cast net. And I'm teaching them how to cross stitch. 

 They are watching us. They are always watching us. 

Just a few more days at the beach... 

Feeling confident that somewhere in heaven there will be soft white sand and a warm breeze.

But may all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you; may those who long for your saving help always say, 'The LORD is great!'' Psalm 40:16

It's true. The Lord is GREAT. 

Full of Gratitude

The doors are flung open as the sun goes down over the beach. The sky is pink and blue. Perfect. This beach house is full of happy little girls, full of cheep, frozen pizza, hot and ready, straight out of the oven. Suntanned and worn out from four full days of nothing but the beach. 

The weather has been sunshiny and upper 70s, low 80s. We haven't shut the doors since we arrived.  

I love my life.

I love the craziness and the fast pace. 

I love little girls. 

I love my little girls. 

This week I have found slowness and sweetness at the beach. We have ALL found it. These moments are really sweet. The girls are 1, 3, 5 and 7 years-old right now. And never will they be 1, 3, 5 and 7 again. 

One of my favorite things is slowing down and the moments we breathe deep....as a family.

Digging in the sand for hours. Making sand castle, after sand castle, only to see them washed away or knocked over. No worries, we'll make millions more.  

I've watched little girls who 'want to learn to surf'....learn to surf. They totally achieved it. 

I asked Carlisle what has been her favorite thing so far this week, she said, 'ummm, probably the first time I stood up on my board.'

I've watched a little three year-old who is as tough as tissue paper, afraid of everything, become unafraid and frolic in the surf.

I so appreciate the laziness of the beach. 

Reading my bible to the sound of waves crashing.

Hearing their giggles. 

Dancing with my girls listening to our new favorite girl band. 

Brian and the older two girls caught blue crabs and we cooked them in the frogmore stew for dinner. 

It's such a pleasure watching them interact and love on one another.

I love all of their hearts, their faces, hearing their dreams...they have lots of dreams. 

Especially recently.

This week, I've heard lots about their dreams. 

I remember...They remind me of me. I had lots of of little girl dreams too. 

I wanted to be a dentist. Interestingly enough. I can handle any amount of blood, guts and puking. But wiggle a loose tooth in front of me, and I am ready to pass out. 

God loves the lost. God's desire for the lost is that they are reached. 

So if you are reading this and you think, have I ever seen God's fruit in my life? Ask yourself the most important question you've ever asked. Have I committed my heart to the Lord? 

Are you one who never wants to read the bible, never wants to pray. Never had natural desire for the word. I challenge you to examine your heart. Confess and repent. Ask for Jesus to be Lord of your life. Here's the gospel. Jesus died for the sins of the world. We are all sinners. We have sin running through our veins. Someone has to pay for it. You can't even spill your own blood and be saved. Make sure that you know that you have eternal life. 

'He who has the son has life, he who doesn't have the son of God does not have life.' 1 John 5:11-13

Know before you lay your head down to go to sleep today. And if you are a believer and not bearing fruit. Ask and examine yourself against the Word. Am I watering the soil, speeding time in word and prayer?

Want abundant havest? Pour the water of Gods word into your life.

What a cutie. 

 What a view behind the cutie. :) 

 'Taste and see that the Lord is GOOD! Blessed is the man that trusts in HIM!' Psalm 34:8

(It's hard to separate these two. Even during beach naptime.)

No job, no meetings, no responsibilities except each other and these four little ones. 

I asked Brian, as we sat on the back porch looking out on the sand and waves 'whatcha think about leaving it all and moving here forever'...and he said, 'I'd never go to work.' And the girls said, 'THAT'S OK DADDY! We could surf all day everyday!' 

We laugh and look in their bright, sweet faces and feel the breeze and dream about it a little. And then snap back to reality. 

It's fun, its wild. Don't hear me say its perfect. Its not. 

And it is NOT easy. People ask me how I 'do it'. Many days, it's one foot in front of the other. And I don't get a whole lot of sleep. Which is why I can be a little spacey when you talk to me. And depending on the day a little...or a lot spacey. :) 

I am desperately grateful to the LORD for my family. 
'always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.' Ephesians 5:20

I am compelled to write about it because I feel so humbled with gratitude.

So I don't forget...

Viv: 'Daddy. I smell somebody's breath. It smells like an old beach.' 

Um. There is a 100% chance I did not brush her teeth before she ran out the door this morning for the wind and waves. Wonder whose breath she was smelling... :)  

THIS just happened this morning. A text from Carlisle to her girlfriend.


'Hi! This is Carlisle. I just 
made my dream happen. 
I'm a surfer.'

 The beach's newest surfer girls.

Surfer Girls

They want to surf. 

Not in a superficial, kind-of think-about-it way. 

They want to surf in a I'm-saving-up-my-money-to-buy-a-board kind of way. 

They have bumps, bruises and rashes to prove it this week. 

And we've only been here one day. 

They love it. 

Even her little necklace has a surf board. She's the real deal. :) 

Am I glad to know, what I know, at such a young age. God adores us. And we, are to adore Him. 

Praise God he shows us his love. Constantly. That HE is in charge. That He loves these little girls more than I EVER could. No matter how much I try. 

And I blow it. I have to apologize to my girls more than I'd ever want to admit. And they lovingly forgive. How much more our heavenly Father loves and forgives us. 

In the book of Exodus, Moses gets to talk to God. The bible says, 
'The Lord would speak to Moses face to face, as one speaks to a friend.' Exodus 33:11 

Seriously. 

How cool would it be to have a conversation with God himself? 

What a honor. Moses was chosen by the Lord, for his great glory to be spoken with. Talking with God was so powerful that when Moses left the Lord's presence, stuff happened! 

First the Lord said, 'My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.'  

When we meet with the Lord, his Presence rests on us fresh. And he gives us REST. 

Want to find REST? MEET WITH THE LORD. 

And the bible also says that God came down to meet with Moses,

'And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, 'The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.' 

And THEN....

'His face was radiant because he had spoken with the Lord.' !!!!

Want to be radiant???? MEET WITH THE LORD. 

Seeing a pattern yet? :)

Today marks 1 year since my Mom went to Heaven. I would like to say it gets easier. But it would be more accurate to say it is NOT easier, just different. It's ALWAYS hard. You never stop needing or wanting your Mother, I don't think anyone could argue with that. Mothers are the only ones that are present on our birth day. Our day of birth. The one person that was there to give me life, is gone. I cry when I mention her. 

I still do now and will always miss her.

I rejoice knowing I will see her again, but I wish she was here to be a part of this life...my life...I want my girls to know her. To love her, their Grandmother.

I unabashedly love Christ. I know who I am in Him. And I know WHAT He has done for me. And HE is who rescues me from the sadness of loss. 

I got this email almost a year ago. Loved it then and love it still today as I think of just how much I loved my Mom....

• 
  
  

  
  
  

  
  

  Sweet Jennie, I've intentionally waited a little while to send this to you hoping for it to make you smile when you least expect it like it does me. 

  I wanted to let you know what a joy your Mom was to me. One of my favorite memories of your mom was at the baby shower for Carlisle at Stephanie's house. It was just a bunch of close friends of yours and Brian's. At some point, several of us went upstairs with you to feed Carlisle. The first thing you did when we got upstairs was call your Mom. I thought it was the greatest thing because you didn't call to have a private conversation with her, but you called to check in with her and then put her on speaker phone so she could be a part of our conversation. There were 4 or 5 ladies in the room and I remember thinking I would never have thought to do that with my Mom, but was so intrigued to see how it would turn out. 

  
  

  We continued talking with the phone in the middle of the bed and all of us around the bed. I almost forgot several times that your mom was still listening until you asked what she thought about something. She was just there like this intensely comforting feeling in the room. Never judging or interrupting, just sweetly listening and enjoying our conversations because you wanted her to be a part of it. I remember thinking how special that was for so many reasons. 

  This is how every interaction I always had with Mayo was. She had this everlasting comfort and kindness that radiated from her.

  I pray that this is how Mayo will always be to you and Julie and all of your incredible babies, always there sweetly listening on speaker phone and being one of your biggest and most loving supporters. I know she is still always there listening, unless maybe the gamecocks are playing. Charlie and I both think that your Mom was one of the purest most sincere and loving women on the planet. I wish she were still here on earth with us, but also understand why God would want her closer. I hope that one day I can leave this life as proudly as she did. Knowing that I have left behind two of the most loving, caring and sensational daughters and son, and the most angelic grandchildren.

She's crawling and cruising. Not walking. Not even vaguely interested. 

In other news, the girls let their turtle go last week. The turtle that we've had for over a year. Myrtle the Turtle. They wished for her a better life. And so they let her free. And one more four-legged member of our family has come and gone. 

But here at the beach, there are new animal friends to be made. Little Carlisle, the veternarian, has nursed back to health a grasshopper with a hurt leg, rescued a handful of dragonflies from certain death bumping into windows in the house, and most recently, this evening, she brought home a dozen hermit crabs. They now live in a jar on the dining room table. 

The girls enjoy playing make-believe. Typically someone is playing the part of 'Mommy' and the others are the children. 
Today, right before we left for the beach...

Evelyn to Vivian. 'Hey Viv, let's pretend we're sisters.'
Viv said, 'K.'

'Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.' Romans 12:10

After this, Carlisle said, 'Mom, my dream has come true. I'm a surfer.' 

Find little sister, the encourager.

Evelyn is just weeks away now from her 6th birthday. She still takes my breath away with her sweet heart. She's sweet to her CORE. I said it long ago and I will say it again, she's the glue in this family. She loves on everyone so well. She plays well with everyone. She makes everyone smile. 

She's an ENCOURAGER. 

'We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach if it is to ENCOURAGE, then give ENCOURAGEMENT.' Romans 12:6-8

Dinner at the yummiest hole-in-the-wall restaurant I've ever eaten at. 80 and sunny all week. 

'The LORD will fight for you...you need only to be STILL.' Exodus 14:14