Carlisle found me happily snoozing in the bed this morning. She wanted me to wake up and come play with her, or feed her breakfast...or something. Just as long as I was giving her my attention. But it was, in fact, before 7am and I just needed a few more minutes. Finally she said, 'Mommy, you need to go to bed earlier so that you can wake up early with me!'
She's right. Last night I was up late working on a summer Homevideo for the girls. We have a DVD player in the car. I've been making Homevideos for them for a year now. My crazy Jennie-made Homevideos are BY FAR the most requested of the DVDs. Beats out Tad, TinkerBell and the others by a MILE. I choose the music. I choose the clips to add or delete.
Many of the clips are from my IPhone. The day to day. They can't get enough of it. They laugh, smile, stare, smile some more and sing along. Most of the music is Praise music. The baby points and laughs. When the movie goes off, usually one of the older two girls starts kissing someone else. Another sister, the baby, me. It literally makes them GIDDY.
The one I am working on now is all of the summers events. June through the present. All of our trips to the Zoo, parties, laughing with Daddy, horse back riding camp, making backyard mudpies, lemonade stands, trips...to the pool, to the beach, to Grandparents house, to Aunt Ju Ju's house, to the country, spend the night parties. It's an hour and a half long. Perfect for getting from our house to Columbia, and almost long enough to make it to Charleston. :)
What I wanted for this summer is EXACTLY what I have been doing. This is a season CHOCK FULL of incredible experiences. I have never had a season that I have done so many great things...except maybe when Brian and I first got married and we traveled the world....Rome, London, Germany...but this sweet time of life is a close second. :)
My agenda for the summer was to retreat for a little while. Be with the Lord. Begin the healing process of losing my Dad. Doing life shoulder to shoulder with my girls. With Brian. With my family. With a few friends. That was SO VERY, VERY important to me.
Thankfully, I've been able to pull it off. We've been in-town a week, out-of-town a week, in-town a week, out-of-town a week.
Until this week.
It all came to a SCREECHING HALT.
A little bit of when-it-rains-it-pours type thing.
Carlisle discovers that our kitchen sink is leaking. I open the cabinet and look under the sink. It's Niagara Falls. Whoops. Plumber is ordering the part and won't have it for a few days. So, I put a fan blowing on it to dry it out. Oh and he says, 'and don't use that sink'. hmm? Don't use the kitchen sink?
Also on Monday, I super glued a coaster to the granite in the kitchen. Yes. I just typed that. The girls broke the coaster. No big deal. I thought I'd try to repair it, it being from the Philippines and alllll. From my friend Tami's world travels. I thought I'd just superglue it back together. Whoops. Can't set super glued items onto granite. It adheres.
The baby is sick. Just a cold. Really no big deal. We had plans to be in Charleston. I hated to take her and make everyone there sick. So we stayed. Day 1 of supposed-to-be-in-Charleston. The baby falls and busts her tooth. It get's jammed up in her head. She cries 'THAT' cry. The one where a Mama KNOWS it's serious. I turn around. She is literally 2 feet away from me. There's blood. She's screaming. I can tell immediately that either the tooth is broken, missing, or jammed. She sobs onto my shoulder. I look. My shoulder is red with blood. I feel woozy. I sit down right in the middle of the floor with her in my lap. I lean up against the wall. I can handle most medical stuff. But mouth injuries bother me. I ask Carlisle to turn the fan, that is blowing on the drenched cabinets under the kitchen sink, to blow on me and Viv. I started literally feeling lightheaded. We call the dentist. He's a family friend. He sees us immediately. The other two girls start telling me all of their aliments. 'Uh, Mommy. I just hurt myself.....it's my toe, I scraped it.'
As if they need some attention since Vivian is getting all my love. I explain the seriousness of the situation. As God would have it, I am reading my new Top 10 favorite book of all time. 'Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp. I had just read about teaching your children to be self-LESS not self-ISH. Boom.
It says, 'You should encourage your children to see the needs of those around them.' I read that not 12 hours before the tooth incident. So I took those little stinkers with me and Viv to the dentist. And they sat still. And I taught them the kind of questions to ask and statements to make when a sister is really hurt. Compassion.
'Filled with compassion, Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man.' ... 'Immediately the man was healed....' Mark 1:41-42
And to us, he says...
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Colossians 3:12
I was at the beach for the week, hanging out with family and friends. My phone is ringing. But I am at dinner with friends, so I don't pick up. It's my friend Bree. She's just won Miss South Carolina. She's so incredibly beautiful. So awesome. Oh. And she's lost 112 pounds in the last couple years. Then has gone on to compete in, and WIN Miss South Carolina! I've watched her lose the weight from the front of my aerobics classes. She's so incredibly determined. She leaves a message on my voicemail. Inside Edition, the TV show, is wanting to interview her, and wants to interview her aerobics instructor. So I go. I'm there all day. They film us doing kickboxing in her front yard. And interview me. The whole experience is amazing.
And if you missed the show, so did I. I heard it was great. If you find a copy of it, send it to me.
She's SUCH an inspiration.
People really do forget that Dad died. They wonder why I am not exactly myself.
At times, even I wonder why I am not exactly myself. I don't want to blame it on my Dad's death. Its just hard. Hard because I miss him. Hard because what I struggle with now is knowing that he will never be at another dance recital. Baby dedication. Christmas morning. Never will we share another meal, another trip, another hug, another... anything. That's where I am at. 2 ...almost 3 months later. But that's all about me. When I think of him. Of heaven. Of the Lord. I am so blown away with how much HE loves us.
I am able to cry more now. The shock is wearing off. And I have RAW hurt.
My little ones are dealing with it too. In their own way. Like only a 3 and 5 year old can. By making it their reality. I overhear the girls playing dollies together. Inevitably, one of the dolls dies. Or gets really sick. Or goes to heaven.
My back deck is like my counselor. Gardening is such a healing way to overcome sadness. Life. It's growing out there. I go out every morning and water and they flourish. And I think about Dad.
Carlisle loves fruit. She calls it 'Sports Candy'. She and Brian made up that name. I don't know what the significance of the name is, but it makes me happy. They all are good eaters. Some better than others. Carlisle leads the pack in making healthy decisions. And apple was her choice a few Sunday nights ago. After she finished eating, she said, 'Um, Mommy. My tooth hurts.' It just so happened that Brian and I were both there. Brushing teeth, getting jammies on, reading books. (So glad he didn't miss out on this.) We both knew. We looked closer. Sure enough. Loose. Really loose. She looked REALLY super 100% nervous about the whole scenario.
After books, she got in the bed and prayed. She asked that God would let her lose it 'tomorrow'. And that 'it would happen at home.'
I knew He'd do it for her. God loves the prayers of his children.
So the next afternoon, I was walking out the door to the gym, taking a class. I don't know if she was wiggling it. Eating something. Or if it literally just fell out. But she said, 'My tooth just fell out!' All prayers answered. She's happy. And I am still everyday more amazed at the way the Lord is interested in the little things. The tiny things. The God who made a zillion types of birds and bugs and knows the number of hairs on my head, is also the God who heard Carlisle's request and by His grace, decided to answer it, just as she wanted. Of course, we also told her that God can decide for you to loose that tooth wherever and whenever He wants you to. She nodded in agreement.
We joke and tell her that now she has 19 teeth.
My purple therapist. This guy makes me happy.
But, God knows her heart. And if that baby loves anyone, it's Jesus.
Had I known then, what I know now, I would have undoubtedly skipped the most sweet, precious years of our marriage.
It was a spiritual retreat. Hanging out at the rooftop pool felt like we were gluttonous. No one to watch, or chase, or keep afloat, or slather with sunscreen, except ourselves. But Jesus met us there. I learned more about Him this weekend.
